I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
