I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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