I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize