her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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