i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
