I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
