my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
