Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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