C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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