how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
