Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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