i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
