don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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