Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
