Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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