im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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