My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
