What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I need help removing her.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
