very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
