If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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