nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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