I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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