maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
