so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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