did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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