this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
