You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
