He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
