i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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