watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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