the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize