oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
