Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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