Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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