Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize