dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
