toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
