Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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