I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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