Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
