Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
