somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
