True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
