Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
