We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
