Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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