I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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