pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
