the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
