WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
