so that wasnt chicken after all
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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