Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
