Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
