So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
