Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize