my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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