i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
