Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
send nudes
from the living room?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
