Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
