good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need moral support for this bender
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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