Nicole vs. Life
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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