dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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