her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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