i can't believe i had my finger in that
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
