Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
