Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we have officially lost it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is the high leading the old right now
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
