Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
