i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
